Friday, December 16, 2011


Do you ever pause for a moment in time, look around at your life and think... HOW & WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME!!!

I think I do this every day. As I watch my husband leave for work, as I hear my children say things and think How did they compose that thought? As I pay bills, cook for shabbos, drive car pool, grocery shop. The list goes on, but I think you get the idea.

Somehow even though we make hundreds and thousands of decisions that land us where we are today.
At some point we find ourselves thinking, saying or screaming HOW & WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME!!!!

When it's the domino affect of our own decisions that got us there in the first place.
We accept a job, we get married, we buy a car...and so on.

Today let's take a different approach, let's do the best we can to pay the bills, stop and smell the food we are cooking, sing to car pool, take a peak into our stocked pantries, listen to the wacky things our children say, smile at your spouse and say....


Have a wonderful Shabbos !

Friday, December 9, 2011

Upside Down Universe!

So in the continuous battle to loose weight and get into shape, there is one main issue that I have thought of

As I fight to decide what to eat and to keep the things I shouldn't eat out of my mouth and as I push myself to the gym through the work out and then limp to my car...

This whole process is backwards:
When we are eating we are savoring what we are doing, we enjoy every bite, we laugh and share with others and marvel over flavor ,color and smell, but beware the monday morning quarterback. As we finish eating, enjoying our tasty treat the doom and gloom begins.
Oh I shouldn't have eaten that, or UCH now I feel sick etc.

However when we work out we don't wanna be there, we curse and mutter through the work out and try to keep ourselves from quitting or passing out.
Yet as soon as we finish we are on a high, we feel like a million bucks and are certain that yes we must endure this again.

So why I ask you can't it be the other way around?
Wouldn't it be easier to not want to eat, but have to in order for survival purposes and love, enjoy and crave working out?

Really it is so simple I say as I eat my steel cut oats and exhale while pulling my gym clothes out of my draw...

Just another day in this upside down universe.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

They've come to suck your blood

In my recent revisiting of my teenage years I watched a show about vampires, (laugh all you want, I can take it)
but when you watch things as an adult your thought process changes, just as everything else in the world changes as you become an adult, wife, mother... etc

As I drowned in vampire glory I found myself chuckling, what's so funny about a stupid vampire show you ask?
It's because I have decided that the creator of vampires must have been a nursing mother...

A vampire is a creature who sleeps by day and is up at night and physically sucks the life force right out of you.

It makes sense doesn't it! Babies completely exhaust us, they keep us up at night and suck us dry until we are left feeling totally devoid of energy.

Now here's the thing they start as babies, but just like vampires once you are a parent this feeling of exhaustion and drain, it lasts FOREVER, because they never tire and they just keep coming back for more.

Our children may be beautiful and smart and the best thing that ever happens to us, but let's be real here no matter how precious and wonderful they are...

They've come to suck your blood :-)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

You don't bring me flowers Anymore

They say "Time Heals All"

What we choose not to discuss is the time before the healing comes. The time when we cannot fathom how the healing will happen, or how much time exactly it will take.

I have sat down to write this post several times over the last few days.
What I wanted to write about is the amazing power that my mother's soup has. No matter how sick achy or tired I am. It's Love Potion #9. It makes me feel better than tylenol, tea or any other remedies and it doesn't matter what kind of soup as long as she makes it.

For whatever reason I wasn't able to get the words out and what my mind kept lingering too was my Grandfather.
Growing up almost always when I was home sick even if it was just a runny nose he use to send me flowers.
Many times attached to a balloon or teddy bear just saying feel better and I love you.
It always made me smile and feel special.

I think the hardest part about loosing him, the hardest part of this healing process was that my Grandfather was the type of person that gave you love in such a way it made you feel like if no one else in this world loved you it didn't matter because his love was always more than enough.

So the last few days feeling sick and being at home it has been the kind of days where time has done nothing for me really and I find the lyrics to a song by one of his favorite singers Neil Diamond playing over and over in my mind...

"I remember all the things you taught me. I learned how to laugh and I learned how to cry,
well, I learned how to love and I learned how to lie.
So you think I could learn how to tell you goodbye...
You don't bring me flowers anymore."

Everyone should merit having someone in their life whose love transcends all boundaries and time.

Time may heal pain, but love remains forever.

Friday, November 4, 2011

You've got a friend in me

I wonder who the first friends were...

The best I can do is go in biblical order first came marriage (Adam & Chava) a pure relationship of one soul being split into two, which very quickly turned complicated. Then came siblings (cane & Abel) clearly flawed. The most popular friendship in Torah is Dovid and Yonatan an ideal relationship a love so pure that even in the face of controversy they remained loyal to each other.

It's interesting our family is who we are, the most important people in our lives. Family is the people that will be there for you and who you want to be there for through all, no matter what forever.
There is no question in my mind that there is no replacing family.

Still family is given to us.

A friend however is special in their own right. We choose them we get to know them, we let them get to know us and we decide to keep them anyway.
Friendship is hand picked. A loyal friend, a friend who knows you for better or worse and still loves you is a wonderful gift.

Friends help us laugh, listen to us cry and know us in a way only a friend can.

What a wonderful creation "The friend"

On that note I'd like to say thank you to all the friends out there who...don't judge, listen when we need to vent, hug us when we cry, shake us when we need a good shakIng and show up time and again loving us just the way we are :-)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Loving through it

This picture was taken by the very talented Rachel fellig & Scrapped by the also very talented Faygie Fellig
To see more of this incredible Mother Daughter Team click on their names. So appropriate for this post :-)

Before Oct, most commonly known as breast cancer awareness month ends I just wanted to take a moment.
To be grateful, and give thanks for my very own survivor; my Mom.
You are my rock and strength always I thank GD for giving you your strength and courage to survive, to go forward and for loving me through it.

I am not going to write very much in this post. There just aren't enough words, but you can watch this video in honor of all of the survivors and about to be survivors out there. It hits the spot.

Ma Love You A Bushel & A Peck

Monday, October 24, 2011

Learning Torah & coloring...

We plan and gd laughs ... who hasn't said this once or 10,000 times.

We have such good intentions with our limited time. We schedule ourselves in such a way that we can accomplish one task for a whole day and feel successful.
I.E. Monday I will pay the bills, Tuesday I will clean out the closets and get rid of the clothes that doesn't fit the kids, Wednesday I will do a mommy and me and Thursday back to the grocery store.

When what really happens is... Sunday at some point before dawn you have a vomiting child, by Monday another one has fever and something in the house malfunctions out of nowhere. On Wednesday your husband calls from work to say he feels miserable.
Therefore by the time Thursday rolls around you feel like a wet mop and your lucky if you can even get yourself dressed.

On one of these weeks,
as you desperately try to figure out how a week which was suppose to be so super productive has turned into a week where not one of your plans has come to fruition and your new plan consists of one word, SURVIVE.
You think I must have GD in stitches if this is his sense of humor.

Being that my week has become a week filled with a pure need to survive, I am humbled to say I was inspired by my four year old.

As I was getting him ready for bed and telling him he needed to calm down and start going into bed time mode, he looked at me and said with all the beautiful innocence of a child.
"Mami I did everything today, I learned Torah and I colored."

WOW maybe it is really that simple I look up to GD and say; my plans may have changed on me, but look I took care of my children and I survived that truly is everything.
Laugh Away :-)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Giving Love In A Family Dose

I noticed something recently, tell me if you noticed the same...

As we grow up and move on in years we accumulate many different hats.
We become students, employees or bosses. We become aunts, uncles, cousins and parents. We make new friends, we re connect with old friends. We become home owners, cooks, cleaners, and party organizers. ETC. ETC. ETC...

Somehow while we are doing all of this we manage to keep our old hats on pretty tight.
When I am home I am a wife and mother of three, I know how to care for my children, husband and home.
Yet as I walk through my mother's front door, it's an instant shot of amnesia.
My old hats suddenly replace the new and I become my parent's child and my siblings big sister.
POOF like magic. I can't do anything myself.
It's all " I don't know Ma what do you think" or messing around with my siblings while my children have asked me for the same thing three times.

I eventually remember of course that while in my parents house I am a child and sister I am also still a mother and wife.

That is the amazing part. How are we so many people at the same time?
We may be better at some relationships or jobs over others, but at the end of the day we are different people to everyone in our lives.
We spend all day, week, month, year and life switching hats.

It doesn't matter how much aggravation, happiness, sadness or love our lives bring.
You'll always be your mother's baby, father's little girl, big or little sister, niece, cousin and grandchild.
While still being your children's mother, husband's wife, friend's friend.
Somehow our hearts and brains stretch enough to fit this array of hats.

So tell the people in your life you love them cause honey they don't go anywhere, sometime they just need to switch hats :-)

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Rain Rain Go Away...Come again when my kids are grown up!

Yesterday was a grey rainy day in Miami. A day for a dark room, PJS, your favorite sweater, a bed and book/TV.

AHHH a girl can dream can't she... Until you snap to it and realize your husband is at work, oldest child is ready for lunch, your trouble maker has tuna all over herself and the baby is just not satisfied.
Rain just isn't what it use to be...

It isn't what it use to be it is still a rainy day so I still stay inside, I still stayed in my PJS and I let the kids watch videos without any guilt what so ever that I should be out and about with them. I did not come up with a creative project to keep them busy. We just hung out did nothing, they rested, ate, and asked me a zillion and a half questions about the world as they know it.

So I really can't complain I relaxed and didn't move all that much.
It's funny how the definition of relax seems to evolve. I didn't sleep, couldn't stay sitting for too long needing to get up and get someone something on a constant basis, but it was most definitely a down time kind of a day.

So yes I had a successful rain day, but I can promise you one day rain will once again be about laying in a dark room and not moving.
One day, but not any time soon ;)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Fat Lady Sorry, but You need to stay in there...

AHHH Succos... My favorite of all the many beautiful holidays!
There is something wonderful about the pressure and seriousness of Rosh Hashana & Yom Kippur melting away and going straight into the warmth and joy of the Succah.

Now here's the thing with me and Yom Tov... I am a FOODY!!! I just love food all food any food. Give me salty, sweet or spicy I don't discriminate. SO when you have this wonderful time of Yom Tov back to back to back to back to back I could eat and eat and eat and eat. The problem is that when you are trying to fit into your pre pregnancy clothes and your body still has that round I'm not pregnant, but have a newborn look to it Yom Tov is not your friend.
Those of you who have had children before know what I speak of.
For those of you who have not had children I'm sorry to tell you, but after that cute baby bump is gone your stomach goes down but it still has a nice round I just had a baby shape to it.

Getting back to the issue of Yom Tov and all that food that I love OH so much. Weight watchers says nothing taste as good as skinny feels, while that maybe true for some Weight watchers has never eaten at my mother's house.
There is just so much to choose from starting with challah and ending with dessert. MMMM my palate salivates just thinking of it.
Hey I warned you I was a foody!

You know the people who finish a meal and say, "uch who could eat again now" I feel like saying, " OO OO I know me ME pick me, I can!"
On Yom Tov all the flavors of different friends and family blend into one and I just can't get enough.
My Grandfather use to watch me eat in amazement, I'd be eating long after everyone else was done and he'd say, " I know there is a fat lady in there just dying to come out." (That was my pre children body that never weighed more than 125 lbs)

All that being said the reality is my newborn won't be a newborn for long, but those Yom Tov pounds really know how to stick around. So I will try to behave I will try to remember that skinny may not feel as good as my mother's food tastes, but pre children body definitely rocks the post pardum bump :-)

Let's all enjoy the warmth, love and joy of the Succah.
Taste a bit of all that Yom Tov yumminess, but keep in mind the fat lady only stays inside so long :-)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Quiet in Between the Storms

As I sip my morning coffee which by some miracle I'm drinking nice and hot for the second day in a row it dawns on me...before I was married with children I didn't enjoy the quiet moments.
It's not so much that I didn't "enjoy" them I think I just didn't realize how precious and wonderful they truly are.
As a single non parent you wake up in the morning, make your coffee decide what you'll wear for the day, then drink your coffee either sitting or on the go all the while oblivious to the wonderful silence that surrounds you. You proceed to take your car, subway train or preferred form of transportation while picking whatever music you may fancy that morning. Perhaps you will listen to a tune that's been stuck in your head or something to pump you up for the day ahead or just a song that makes you smile. Again oblivious to the luxury of it all... Once your day is done you get back into your transportation to go home or to meet friends and put that special song back on because it makes your happy so hey why not.

Then my friends you become a mother you wake up to the demands of your children, throw on whatever clothes is quickest or let's face it what fits your body that day, serve breakfast, throw together lunches in between the constant demands from what maybe the bossiest creatures on earth. In between all of this you make your coffee take a deep breathe and pray that you'll get to finish it before it gets cold. Dress the kids for school and get them into the car at which point you are very possibly dripping sweat, sit in your drivers seat count your children in your head just to make sure you didn't forget one (yes I really do this) Now you get to listen to your child's song choice of the day the very same song you will be honored with listening to for the rest of the day. You run around do as many errands as you can possibly squeeze in to the hours you have or take the child/children you have at home to do some form of activity so they don't go completely bonkers in the house. Throw them back into the car pick up missing child/children from school put them all back into the car, once again pouring sweat, count the kids, get home, make dinner, bath kids, clean up. Shower and get into bed as quickly as you can because if you fall asleep right away just maybe you can get in a few hours of undisturbed sleep.

All this being said when I get to drink my coffee Hot and in peace for two days in a row it is a small blessing, a beautiful moment I didn't know existed before I was a mother.
The silence in between the storms.

Enjoy your day


ps. no editing being that by the time I finish writing this e mail I have crying baby and two year old demanding grapes to deal with